When we were kids, we grew up watching The Cosby Show.
We saw the dream – Four kids with both parents in a nice house. Father a doctor, mother a lawyer. They had their legitimate ups and downs, but lived close to a perceivably perfect life. Today, as people we realize there is no such “Perfect Life”. So instead we settle for the “Baby Daddy” or “Baby Momma”. 50% percent of it is caused by what type of environment we were raised in or forced to see. However, just because a person was around an unfavorable environment doesn’t give them a good reason to act in accordance with the stereotype. The point being: relationships start with us.
For women, a man will only do what you allow. If you allow him to stay out at any time of the night, guess what? That’s just what he’s going to do. If you allow him to cheat over and over again, guess what? That’s what he’s going to keep doing. Women, a “Kingdom Relationship” starts with you. I know you ask, “how”? Well, there was a famous singer named James Brown that said, “It’s a man’s world, but it’s nothing without a woman.” Women hold men together. They support men when nobody else will and lift men up when they’re down. God placed you here as a helpmate so men wouldn’t be alone (Genesis 2:18-22). The way the world is today — with money, sex, drugs and the thirst for power — it becomes hard to hold relationships together. But relationships are easy; we just make them hard as people.
The first step to establishing a Kingdom Relationship is rooting the partnership in God. Without God, nothing works. Whether in business, career, family, or any other significant area of your life, lacking a spiritual connection deprives the true value of a relationship. Everything we do in life is easy when everything is good. Yet, when the tough times come we throw in the towel. We run, quit and just fearfully end it all. God can open doors no man can shut and close doors no man can open. When your relationship has no will to keep going, God make ways to show you the relationship shall live and not die. Therefore, the spirit of God – honesty, compassion, support, and love – must be the driving force of every relationship for it to last multiple seasons. Men cannot expect for women to be submissive until man is first submissive to God and reliable in his commitment.
The second key is communication. How you communicate determines everything. “Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life, without it everything dies.” With technology taking over in the 21st century, people talk less and do more. We indulge in Facebook, Twitter, Reality TV, movies, parties, and so forth, which have very miniscule benefit to our development as people. The one critical thing most people do not do anymore is talk. Kingdom relationships require a lot of talking — at least (1) day a week of simply conversation. Talking is healthy; it adds more laughter, joy, love and happiness to your relationship. Consistent conversation also clears up assumptions, challenges, and misunderstandings. Within the first two weeks of dating a person, talking is all you should do. No going out or face to face contact, just talking! This method saves time, which is God’s gift to us since tomorrow is not promised.
Two weeks of talking will let you know if you can even see a future with this person. You two might have two different religious backgrounds. You might like 2pac and she might likes Biggie. Take the time to learn each other’s favorite colors, foods, and hobbies. Is marriage in the future? Does she want kids? How were you both brought up? Investing this time into asking the key questions will strengthen your bond and save headaches in the future.
Lastly, Love is the most essential element. God is Love. Therefore, true Love comes from and ends with him. Not in the hyper-religious sense, or with the strict boundaries religion points to – but simply in the context of honoring the principles. Say you Love each other daily; all day if you can. Love is the strongest and most powerful emotion on earth. It makes people stalk, chase, act crazy and even kill in some cases. So we know it is always easier said than done. So make sure you always show your actions of love and not just speak them. Just writing a note and giving it to your partner can show love. Invest into each other — not just with money, but with Love and attention. Show and show, Do and do! God, Communication and Love are the keys to Kingdom Relationships and the pieces that hold them together through the roughest and greatest times.
– Terry Bams
Follow Author Terry Bams on Twitter: @mrbams